I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
