I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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