I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
