your parents love me but you hate me
even my farts smell like vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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