That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
