Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
