god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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