She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
