can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
