I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
