T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
