4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could teleport
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
