Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
