My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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