worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
