I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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