I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
