Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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