I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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