I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
