I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
