Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
