so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
