whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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