don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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