Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
