I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
