Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
