remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't deserve a penis
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
