whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
