she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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