I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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