Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
