So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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