Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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