So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
