Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
