im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
