For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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