omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
