That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your cock deserves a montage
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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