1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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