I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
