I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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