She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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