oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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