i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My cat gives me a boner
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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