I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
