my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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