are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
