ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
