why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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