its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
