I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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